Jan 31st cannot get here soon enough!

154 Days, 18 Cities, 5 Countries, 4 Currencies, 3 Continents

I just added it up, by the time I get home next Tuesday night I will have spent 154 days on the road this year in 18 different cities (assuming I did not miss any). That is a lot of time to not sleep in my own bed. Where have I been...

San Jose - 17 times
Vegas - 5 times
Dallas - 2 times
London
Cork (Ireland)
Rome
Singapore
St. Louis
New Orleans
Orlando
Washington D.C.
New York
Chicago
Los Angeles
Atlanta
Denver
Fredericksburg (TX)
Horseshoe Bay (TX)

Have no fear once I get back to Austin next week I get to spend two whole weeks at home. Before setting off to San Jose again and then Jamaica....here we go again...

It is a Important Question

20

How many can you take on?

Remember when

Rite Aid was Thrifty's
The Dodger's won The World Series
Computer Monitors were green and black
Pam Anderson was hot
Movies cost $5
45's were the shit
A cup of coffee was easy to order
McDonald's was considered a decent place for a family dinner
Video games only cost a quarter
That same quarter got you 5 balls on a pinball game
A 40oz of Old E cost 99 cents
Betty said that post of pictures with words was not an official blog post
GKR had heat

Go hit JD up for a loan...

But hurry before the machines take it back.

Temporary insanity

At first I chalked up my the decision to experiment today to my frustration and envy over JD heading to Vegas next weekend to participate in the WBPT without me. I was in tears as I thought about him hanging out with the likes of Betty, and Joe. The only positive though I could muster was that maybe, just maybe the honor of him meeting Dr. Pauly will occur when he is presented with the prize for being the first player knocked out of the tourney.

After I thought about it for a few minutes though, I realized the reason for being so emotional, I was sober while watching College Football

I had to remedy this immediately, but I didn't have enough beer to make it through Hawaii v. Washington. A trip to the neighborhood liquor store was in order. As I let my gaze wander through the glass, hoping beyond hope that Mr. Grewald had finally heeded my request to start stocking The Champagne of Beers, I spotted the can in the picture below. That's right, Budweiser and Clamato, con sal y limon! I figured if my brown brothers from south of the border mixed this stuff up as a hangover remedy, it might be suitable for late morning imbibing. Boy was I wrong. The only thing this stuff is suitable for is as a replacement for ipecac syrup.

Fortunately, my day got better, as I nursed a few familiar cold ones, and watched another crazy day of college football. As for the WBPT, I have decided since JD is bringing a broad along, I am better off not being there, (I hate having to apologize for stealing his women) and it looks like i will be spending next weekend working again anyway.

mmm Popcorn!

Vegas baby, Vegas

Wow what a night, we started off with some D&B happy hour. Which included trivia contests, pop a shot, and skee ball. Then we moved on to drunken bowling at the local shit hole bowling alley. Oh then it was time to go to 6th street to watch the The English Beat and finally ended with late night 1-2 poker. I am just a little hung over but about to go to Spec's with Crackhead and spend the day watching college football, the LAST Saturday of college football this year.

---------

In just a few days I will be going to VEGAS. Betty laid the guilt on pretty thick, and it is the WPBT. So Vegas hear I come! I did have to make some concessions, I was supposed to spend the weekend with R, (something about Napa) So she is coming, and I agreed to take her to see Ka. But for a weekend in Vegas, I think I made out well. And most importantly Betty is thrilled (last longer bet?)! And I will get to meet a bunch of blog writers I read regularly so I am excited (Pauly thanks for the tips)

Prop bets anyone?

Singapore Sling?

One of the great things about my job is I get to travel the world, and more importantly eat great food and experience great famous bars (and some hole in the walls!)

On a recent trip I got to go to the birthplace of the Singapore Sling. The world famous Raffels Hotel (And here I thought that was just a place to eat in the Mandalay Bay). The Singapore Sling was invented by 嚴崇文 (Ngiam Tong Boon) in the early 20th Central and has been made famous around the world since.

The Bar is actually the "long bar"(there are a couple bars on premises.) As soon as I walked into the bar I knew this was my kind of place. The wicker chairs and the palm leaf celling fans were the first hint but the bowls of peanuts and shells on the floor sealed the deal.

I took a seat at the bar - the best place to sit any time you venture into a new bar - and got a brief history lesson from the bartender about the Hotel, bar and Singapore in general as I enjoyed my poison.

How did it rate? Well the drink was just average (and $20 USD) but the bar and hotel were amazing. I would call it a must stop while visiting.

Mickey's to the rescue

********Drunk post alert********

it's only a drunk post if there are 8 *.


here it is, proof that JD is still alive and said he would post!!!!!


Whiskey
6:55
mickey's time!!!!!

JD
6:56
oh shit

Whiskey
6:56
yeah

JD
6:57
maybe i should have a jack so i can watch heros in a little while
6:58JD disconnected
7:22JD connected
7:22Away Message: Away

JD
7:23
did you finish it yet

Whiskey
7:40
ohyeah in like 10 minutes

JD
7:40
wow
thats nsane

Whiskey
7:40
maybe 15
you have to drink it fast cuz when it gets warm it taste like ass
kinda like cheap hot sake

JD
7:40
true that

Whiskey
7:41
this transcript is now a blog post

JD
7:44
nice
Whiskey
7:46
id you post it?

JD
7:46
i thought you were going to
Whiskey
7:46
i just hand delivered you a post
your first post in forever
you promised at least a post about the food in singapore
where is that?

JD
7:48
you have guilted me into starting it

Whiskey
7:49
i am gonna post this then

JD
7:50
ok I am getting some notes together

is Safari finally ready for Blogger?

i just opened safari to post the following chat transcript and it looks like it does in firefox, although i am not in any condition to know what was wrong with safari originally.

Stand by for a lazy drunk post, and possibly a post from our good friend JD!!!

she's my baby girl again

teh 13 y/o walked in the room and caught me watching tivo'd American music awards, Duran Duran really blew. she noticed that i had finished my bottle of steel reserve and was sitting with nothing to drink. she went in the fridge, surveyed the landscape, Miller High Life, the champagne of beers, Miller Lite, gotta have the "ite", teh bottle of red strioe, nad teh Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor.

She came out with the Red Stripe Jamaican Lager. did I mention this is my favorite? one day remind me to tell you how this lovely Lager earned me teh nickname "More Beer" at a lovely resort in Ocho Rios, Jamaica.

Somehow, teh comment about USC is now less tragical.

Like going to a strip club on tusday afternoon

Thank you Family guy for the title to this post.


Whiskey: it must be cold in here

Sweat Shirt: why?

Whiskey: my nipple are hard

Sweat Shirt: LOL
ok stop

Whiskey: really they are

Sweat Shirt: but i don't need to know this
rub them, warm them up
do something

Whiskey: ok all better

Sweat Shirt: LOL
and i don't want to know what you did
just let me sit here in the dark

Whiskey: i did what you told me too
proved that it was cold and not arousal

Sweat Shirt: LOL
stop it

Whiskey: what movie are we going to see?

Sweat Shirt: the one with will smith
something about a ledgend
he is the last person on earth
my kind of movie

Whiskey: ah ok
will you hold me if i get scared?

Sweat Shirt: i will do more than that, i will hold your nipples

Whiskey: with your tounge?
ok i am drunk

Don't let the smooth taste fool ya'

Today is Saturday.
The Saturday after Thanksgiving.
The Saturday after the Friday that was supposed to be the end of 5 days of paid holiday time.

Unfortunately, the week of paid holiday time turned into paid work time. I forced myself to ignore work on Thursday, and spent the day with my family, but Friday morning I was right back to it.

I am not complaining though, just setting up the title of this post.

I am tired. When I get tired like this, there is only one cure, Malt Liquor. Something about pounding a 40 of Ole E, or Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor, or a Billy D endorsed Bull, puts my mind at ease. When I walk in the house with one or more of these fine selections, the OL knows there is a story to be told, she also knows she will have to wait til tomorrow to hear it if she wants to understand a word I am saying.

Heading to the liquor store now. Stand by, I feel a drunk post alert coming.



Ok, so I went to the ghetto liquor store, across the racks, in search of a rowdier less commercial malt liquor. I came away with a bottle of Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity Lager as my experimental "lets try something new" brew.

(Insert the AIM transcriot above here.) halfway done

I bought a bottle of Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor (see link above) as my in case shit backup. You know, in case Steel Reserve taste like shit. And I also picked up a 24oz bottle of Red Stripe, not Malt Liquor, cuz I had seen this size bottle in New Orleans, but never here in fair weather California.

Finished with bottle # 1, contemplating knocking back the Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor.


At this point some 60 minutes after finidshing bottle # 1, i have decided to hold off on bottle # 2. I have jsut finished a bag of funyuns and have that feeling of impending pukage if i go any furhter. if you are reading this and dont see any typos, it sucks that you didnt see the first draft.

Clever is as clever does

My thirteen year old daughter taught me a new word today. "tragical". This word appears in a book she is reading, The Truth About Forever.

She seemed to take great joy and pleasure in discovering this word. She spent the rest of the afternoon citing examples of "tragical" things:

Brittney Spears
Lindsay Lohan
The idiot chef on this weeks episode of Kitchen Nightmares.
The boy at school who is mean to her and only her, but has no clue he has no chance.
Dad for not knowing that she knows why the boy is mean to her.

You get the idea.

The dagger in dad's heart:

USC football for allowing Booty to continue in the Stanford game after breaking a finger.

No thanks to JD.

I have to contribute the following result to JD.




No, not you JD, my bff JD.

You win some you lose some

Wins:
landing in Atlanta
not getting mugged in the big scary train station in downtown
enjoying a meal at the famed Varsity
buying the last two 24oz tall boys beers across the street at J.R. Crickets
Finding out D passed the bar exam
sneaking 2 10 oz flask of JD into Yellowjacket stadium
scoring tickets 19 rows up on the 30 yard line, for face value
the frozen pizza skills that D demostrated while drunk at 1 in the morning
surviving the hangover Friday morning
using the iphone to be able to get back on track to dreamland
Enjoying a half slab of ribs at teh original Dreamland in Tuscaloosa, and the banana pudding too.
surviving the good ole boy barber shop while D waited for a hair cut
more ribs, and catfish at Archibald's and Woodrows's
much like the gentleman leaving A&W's while we were waiting to order said, "It's worth the wait"
tailgating with cool Alabama AND LSU fans
sitting 2nd row 30 yard line in Bryant-Denny Stadium with two refilled flask of Jack tucked away.
the awesome fans the welcomed a UT fan and a USC fan to their stadium
Finding out UT came back in teh 4th quarter and beat Oklahoma state on a field goal with no time remaining.
having the middle seat on my flight home empty
the guy in the window seat getting an upgrade to first class right before the plane pushed back
finding out Delta serves woodford reserve and enjoying a couple on the way home instead of sleeping




Losses:
the hot chick in the seat next to me on the way to Atlanta was in the wrong seat. some douche came along and made her move
rooting for the home team Jackets only to watch them lose horribly to the Hokies of Va Tech
making a wrong turn on the way to dreamland, delaying lunch by 30 minutes.
the 6 drunk LSU fans at A&W's that decided to order all the food in the restaurant turning our 15 minute wait to order into a hour long wait for the food.
OB NOX IOUS LSU fans
Alabama losing to LSU after a hard fought battle
the woman who took it upon herself to relocate to the window seat n my row, completely screwing up my plans to lay down and sleep


I started this post thinking the wins and losses would balance out. I thought I would have to craftily find a way to tell you how the fabulous hospitality of our host in Tuscaloosa made it all better, but looking back, the wins far out weigh the losses. Don't get me wrong, Our host was extremely gracious. He and his friends welcomed me, a total stranger to them but a friend of D's into his house and their weekend. For that I am grateful.

After further review, the losses mentioned above, only minor inconveniences.

The hot chick on the flight to Atlanta? Who am I fooling here? My old tired ass wasn't about to get anywhere with her, except to baggage claim maybe
The Jackets loosing? They were over matched against the Hokies. We all new there was not much chance they would win, besides, i got a really awesome yellow wig that I can wear to USC games!
Making a wrong turn on the way to dreamland? Thanks to modern technology, my iPhone and ATT's edge network, we made it there just fine. Not that me and D were gonna waste away or anything.
The 6 drunk LSU fan's? Yeah so they ordered a ton of food. They were in line in front of, and they paid for it, and me and D could certainly stand to wait another hour to eat. Maybe we shoulda went for a jog.
The rest of the OB NOX IOUS LSU fans, well they were completely offset by the gracious LSU fans
Alabama losing,well they played a great game against a good team, and I had a great time.
The woman who took the window seat... well I thought the flight was full, and my original assigned seat was a middle seat. The simple fact that i got an aisle seat was nice, the open middle seat, just the sauce on my ribs.

FOOSBALL!!!

**** DRUNK POST ALERT****

Wow, i have not typed thise words in a long fucking time.

I am in Atlanta with Demitrios getting absolutely plastered.

tonight we went to the Virginia Tech v. Georgia Tech game.

Did i ever tell you about the time D taught me to sneak liquor into a college football game? no? well he did. and we did it agian tonight

shit faced.

Saturday is LSU v. Alabama. we will be there.

shitfaced and full of dreamland ribs. go ahead, google dreamland.

pictures of our trip to the varsity and teh bar across the street are posted somewhere. when i sober up i will post a link.

warning, sobering up may not happen till the flight home on sunday. maybe JD will be kind enough to post a link.

gonna chat with GKR now about why i am gonna misshis 5th annual bday party.

Just Saying

Iowa at Purdue: Purdue -7, 1 unit
Nevada at Utah St.: Nevada -7, 1 unit
Texas A&M at Nebraska: TAMU +2, 1 unit
Southern Miss. at Marshall: Southern Miss. -4, 1 unit
Tulsa at UCF, Tulsa +3, 1 unit
San Jose St. at Fresno St.: SJS +13.5, 1 unit
Kansas at Colorado: KU -4, 1 unit

Covert operations

Overheard at the Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival

kid #1: Do yuou have an iPod?
kid #2: Me? No. Do you?
kid #1: Yeah, I do.
kid #2: What songs are on it?

Sorry, that's all I heard. I was pulled away toward the pumpkin quilts and didn't hear the rest.

p.s. Happy football day.

Seasons like 2007....

Are what makes the 2005 season so special.

Pimpin' ain't easy...

and neither is properly punctuating a grammatically incorrect blog post title.

If you made it here directly and have never ever seen either, Betty Underground or Truckin', you should take a look at both.

Why, you ask? Because our good friend Betty has been asked (her words not mine) by the good Dr. Pauly to contribute to his monthly collection of "short stories, sagas, and tales from the road."

Go take a peek at both, and all of the excellent content they provide and stop lurking around here waiting for Dimetrios to post his picks.

Batting .500

If betting on football were hitting in baseball, I would say I had a successful weekend with the parlay cards. I had the perfect double header going. 5 team parlay on Saturday, and a combo card 1 college game combined with 4 can't miss NFL games.

We all know how Saturday went, and I didn't even pick any of the top ten teams. My can't miss NFL games, well 3 of the 4 missed.

Shoulda went to Vegas and bet it all on black.

Rock Bottom

I think I've hit rock bottom. I have no picks for this week. How sad is that? I've paid so little attention to college football that I have no picks. Granted, I probably know more than your average American, or even you average fan, but this is unacceptable.

Only thing I can give you is double digit home dogs in conference games. They always seem to come up winners.

Tired of Hawaii yet?

Poke. Ever heard of it? No, click the link for wikipedia's definition.

On the mainland as we call it,( at least that's what we Hawaiian's call it) poke usually comes in one variety, Ahi Tuna. Here on the islands, we have poke in many different varieties. Check the attached pics, and hit the link for a couple more.

I also hit the local Costco this morning where they had every possible variety of macadamia nuts and a refrigerator case with 6 different types of fresh poke, including King Crab Poke!!!!

I need to head down to the bar, so check the pictures and the links for more shizzle.

Who knew one was just the same as an army?

What a debacle last week. It started out so well, games were rolling in left and right, and then all hell broke loose. Losing both 2 unit games hurt, but I got some satisfaction in the fact that they both loss. A wise man once told me, "If the son-a-bitch team ain't gonna bother covering, then I want to see them lose."

I've been spending more time looking for a couch and a bed, than looking at football, so that could explain me overrating GT and Louisville, or it could be I did the picks after two 12 oz Jack and water and I was rushing to get to a bar, or a little green man told me who to pick. On to the games.

OU at Tulsa: OU -23, 2 units - need to pay for Oct. 6 somehow.

Clemson at NC State: Clemson -7.5, 1 unit - Could baby Bowden be for real?

Syracuse at Louisville: Cuse +37, 1 unit - let's seem them screw me twice

Illinois at Indiana: Big Chief -2.5, 1 unit - The Juice is Loose! Williams that is.

South Carolina at LSU: LSU -18, 1 unit - Ol' Ball coach is in for whooping

Georgia at Bama: Bama -3.5, 1 unit - Looks like Saban knows college football

Iowa at Wisconsin: Wisconsin -7.5, 2 units - PJ Hill's final line, 200 rushing and 4 TD

Last Week: 5-5
Overall: 11-10
2 unit games: 3-2
YTD: +2 units

Rainbows

Sorry to bore you with more pictures













This one was outside our window this morning












This was taken on Sunset Beach

They are not going to ask you to play

Went to the Tour Championship today. Had a good time, but here is one thing that just makes me wonder what people are thinking. I saw spectators, marshals, and tournament officials all wearing golf shoes. I've been to a few golf tournaments over the years and have seen this at all of them. What are these people thinking, "Someone might drop out and they are going to ask me to fill in?" I just want to go up to them and tell them that there s no way they are going to get to play today. At least I know which idiots to avoid.

Aloha!

Greetings from beautiful Hawai'i. The pictures on the right is the view from my hotel room.

No Little Green Men, Yet

I like my job, I get to write memos about an army of little green men. Turns out if you testify that an army of little green men helped you and your accomplice, you are probably not credible as a matter of law.

Last week was rough. Going to go after more games this week. We know more about the teams now, but last year is still affecting the lines.

Iowa at Iowa St.: ISU +17.5, 1 unit - Double digit home dog in a rivalry game.

Texas Tech at Rice: TT-28.5, 1 unit - Baylor killed Rice with a TT lite offense

Tenn at Florida: Florida -7.5, 1 unit - I think Urban Myer is just playing playstation.

Pitt at Michigan St.: MSU -8.5, 1 unit - Pitt is banged up and MSU is the best team in the state of Michigan.

Ohio St. at Washington: OSU -4, 1 unit - OSU offense finally gets rolling and their D is just sick.

UCLA at Utah: UCLA -15.5, 1 unit - Utah has a backup QB starting.

Louisville at Kentucky: Louisville -5.5, 2 units - UL has a candidate, Kentucky don't.

BC at GT: GT -6.5, 2units - GT D might actually get charged with aggravated assault after this game.

New Mexico at Arizona: AU -10, 1 unit - Like that Arizona D.

San Jose St. at Stanford: Stanford -7.5, 1 unit - Time for Jim to make a statement.

Last Week: 2-4
Overall: 6-5
2 unit games: 3-0
YTD: +4 units

Strictly Business

Last week went well even though TCU was not asleep at the wheel. Lots of games to watch this weekend and lots of beer to drink, so let's get to the picks.

Nebraska at Wake: Nebraska -8.5, 1 unit. I would have made this a 2 unit game, but Nebraska has USC coming to dinner next week. I don't know if Wake knows, but they are in the beginning of a rebuilding decade.

Akron at Ohio St.: Ohio St. -29, 1 unit. Ohio needs to beat up on Akron for recruiting dominance in the state of Ohio.

Miami at OU: OU -11, 1 unit. I know it is wrong to root for people to get hurt, but some part of me just wants to see a tornado rip through the stadium. What we will see is OU rip through Miami. This is what is known as a business decision, and money can buy a lot of hate fuel (beer at the fair).

Bama at Vandy: Bama -3.5, 2 units. I'm going to a B-B-Q to watch this game and this is a must win for Saban if he doesn't want to be fired before next week.

Boise St. at Washington: BSU -3, 1 unit. Ty is still a year away, and BSU has some kid named Ian Johnson that is so tough he tells people that he knits.

BYU at UCLA: Over 47, 1 unit. UCLA is looks good for 35, and BYU should get at least 14.

Overall record: 4-1
2 unit games: 2-0
YTD: +5 units

Government Work

Today was my official first day at my new job. So nice of them to give me the day off. Keep paying those taxes because golf is expensive.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well it’s that time of the year. And it is time to make some picks, and make some money the easy way. Let’s face it, work is for suckers, and I guess that makes me a sucker too. Sorry I didn’t get picks up for last night, but I’ve been in the process of moving to the A-T-L for a new day job. Now to what y’all have all been waiting for.

Wake at BC: BC -6, 2 units. BC has a senior QB that calls his own audibles and I expect a let down from Wake after last year's dream season.

Nevada at Nebraska: Nebraska -20, 1 unit. I hope Nevada brought lube because I’m predicting a cornholing with Bill opening up the offense and the D bringing back the black-shirts.

UCLA at Stanford: UCLA -16.5, 1 unit. Last year, betting against Stanford was a lock and nothing out of Harbaugh’s big mouth has made me think otherwise. Also look for UCLA to make a move in the PAC 10 this year, lots of seniors returning.

Baylor at TCU: Baylor +21, 1 unit. TCU gets caught looking ahead to Texas.

Tech at SMU: Tech -10, 2 units. You can’t lose with a drunk pirate at the helm. That and Graham is throwing the ball in a system that screams points against weak non-conference opponents. And with what happened last time in Highland Park, I’m looking for Leach to run up the score.

And a Happy Football Day to all!

Oh to be a fly on the wall

AIM transcript follows. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Whiskey
9:46
you know, flys don't have it all bad
i mean they can walk on walls and ceilings even.
and if they play their cards right and stay out of the way they get to live out their entire life without being bothered.
all 10-25 days

Cynthia(I need to come up with a creative nickname for this one)
9:48
i was wondering if u knew they only live 4 about 30 days

Whiskey
9:49
my source says 10-25, but i think 4-30 would not be to broad a range to accept



That's it, that's all you get.

Experimenting with Tequila

Not in the scientific way, but in the "the last time I had tequila the OL slipped and broke her ankle".

To nights dinner is Mexican themed. Carne Asada, with freshly made corn tortillas, Mexican style rice and margaritas. I figure I'll report back after I get the grill going and see how much funnier the post get.

Update: 8:30 p.m.Dinner is done, and I am only one margarita in. Carne Asada cooks so fast there was not a whole lot of drinking happening. Now, I am relaxing on the balcony enjoying the breeze. and a second and purposely stronger cocktail.

Update #2: 9:20 p.m. OK, 2 margaritas and a extra large shot of tequila in and I think I am starting to feel the effects. the best part, Chappelles show is on and it only enhances the effects of the tequila. Last nights dinner was a perfect alfredo. Just the right amount of garlic, the perfect amount of parmigiano reggiano, and a perfectly al dente penne pasta. The only thing missing was a nice crusty french bread to sop up the remaining sauce.

UPDATE #3: 9:45 p.m. 2.5 margaritas and 1 extra large shot, I just finished a conversation with a friend about the merits of using the word "battered" with relation to battered and abused women. I get extremely philosophical when I have had a bit to drink.

does anyone use the "labels for this post" section of blogger?

Update #4: 11:50 a.m. Tequila is evil.

Turning 13.

Something about turning thirteen makes you feel like an adult all over
again. You know like how you felt when you turned 10.

Well this weekend I find myself in beautiful Eureka, CA to celebrate
my daughter's sweet thirteen.

So far today, I have endured a six hour drive with two 13 year olds,
one soon to be 13 yo, and my 11 yo son. The highlight of the trip so
far, driving my Dodge Durango through the middle of a giant redwood
tree. Pictures are on the camera still, and as soon as I get back to
the room I will share with the world just how tight a fit it actually
was.

I am gonna go enjoy my beer.

Test

Test from iPhone!! Heehee

Lesson learned

Friday's lesson? Don't use a borrowed smoker that you are unfamiliar
with for a catering gig.

I spent Friday morning helping Big Al finish off some ribs he had
smoked the night before on a friends electric smoker. This little
electric jobby held more than BA's tried and true WSM, but produced
ribs that were grey and flavorless. Fortunately, the chicken was
smoked to perfection, and saucing the ribs and finishing on the grill
added some flavor and color. Nothing at all to be proud of, but the
lesson was learned.

I am a geek...

A drunk geek, but still a geek. I am sitting in a bar sharing a drink with my pal JD  while I write this post on my new iPhone!

Lucky for me JD does not yet have this little piece of geek heaven. So if this works I will be able to claim first post "sent from my iPhone".

Now all I need is a non java based online Poker site so I can see some flops!

New post

First post from my iPhone!!!

It did too count!

Reasons why the last post did in fact count:

1. I had to learn how to insert a picture.
2. I had to find a wed site to make me a fortune cookie saying
3. I had to find a saying I like.
4. I did not get to use my iPhone to do it.
5. Betty liked it!

Thanks Betty!

Urban Garden

One of these Days I am gonna get Betty or GKR to teach me how to post pictures and add a touch of style to this here blog. I could try to learn myself, but I am currently under the nfluence of 40oz of Old English 800. Hmmmm. looks like I just figured it out.

Well, the title of this post refers to this weekends impromptu visit to see teh folks in Los Angeles (heretofore refered to as LA). it was a short visit. We drove down Friday evening, enjoyed breakfast at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles, and spent the rest of the day hanging out with Mom and Pop.

It was the most relaxing day I have ever spent at my folks place. Lil' Whiskey Jr. spent 5 hours in the pool. The OL and I just hung out and chatted with the folks, and I got to see Pop in action in his Urban Garden. editors note: any bold words should be heard not read. The voice behind them should be deep, booming, and deliberate.

The Urban Garden is Pop's little plot of earth behind the garage of the place our KKKlan calls home, in the middle of South Central LA. Featured in the Urban Garden, are such staples as water melon, green beans, and corn, and also some specialty items like zucchini, beets, celery and tomatoes. I took pictures of the garden, and would love to share them with you, but I am halfway through a 40 of Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor and have a Chappelle's show marathon running on my AppleTV.

One of these days I will create a flikr account or some shit and let you see the garden that my Pop tends in South Central LA, and that I am so proud of.



Reminders:

Remind me to tell you why I havn't posted in months.
Remind JD to tell you why he has'nt posted in months
Remind me to post Pop's Urban Garden pic's.
Remind me Demitri to post his football pics weekly, or weakly.

Observations:

Betty takes nice pictures.
GKR is going through some shit. I'm here for you.
JD Has been too busy to write anything other than policy.
Demitros has accomplished alot in the last few years, he should be vary proud.
Football season is just around the corner.

I am shit faced.

The third time is the charm

I went through my fourth graduation ceremony recently, and they were all pretty much the same. An administrator makes opening remarks, then a student speech that is meant to wrap up our years together, followed by a commencement speaker that cracks a few jokes and gives a few words of inspiration, finished up by walking across a stage so your parents can get something for their money, and then you are off to the world.

Number 3 was different. It was the main commencement ceremony for The University and I convinced two of my fraternity brothers to sit with me. They were no where near graduating, but they let anyone attend these things. We had flasks of whiskey and cans of coke to use as chasers. There is nothing like a 100 degree swig of Jack followed by a 100 degree sip of coke while you are wearing a big black robe in the sun. We were well on our way to getting good and drunk when the commencement speaker stepped to the podium. He was a physics professor that had won a Nobel prize; I don't know why that qualified him to speak to all of us, but he was there and I was drunk (I hope that is the only time I ever think/write something like that). The high point was him starting with a story about Texans being nicer than Yankees, after that it went down hill. He starts telling us how our educations were not that great because the State didn't pay him enough and he did not let up. It then became clear why I was there and why I was so drunk. I am an incredible heckler. I have all the skills, I have cracked up entire sections, I have had an NBA player stare me down, and I think I even made a girl cry once. I start up along with a few other students and parents, the boos are coming, and a few "Yankee go home" chants come from the student body. Finally, the President of The University had to come on stage to get the guy. I still have not seen anything like this happen at any other graduation ceremony and I hope I never do.

A Sunday Afternoon with The Masters...

Sunday's are just about the perfect day of the week. A day to relax, sit around the house and do whatever the hell you want or nothing at all.

This Sunday also happens to be the final day of The Masters. The greatest Golf event of the year, on one of the toughest courses. The Corse has been extra tough this year and through 52 Holes the leader was at plus +2. After 7 holes today the leader is still at +2, with Tiger two strokes back.

What could be better on a Sunday afternoon of nothingness then laying on the couch, drinking, and watching golf?

On College Basketball...

• Always pick opposite Dimetrios. (only in hoops, not football)
• A game of the century is an instant classic
• An instant classic is not a game of the century
• USC beat UT by 19 points
• Vegas can't be beat for watching the 64 teams become 16
• If The Ohio State University and Florida meet up in the championship game, it will be the first time ever that the same two schools match up in the football and basketball championship game in the academic year.
• I can't wait for football season to start
• Prince never played college hoops
• Neither did the Twins
  
• According to JD, today's East Regional Final "was a god game"
• a god game is better than a game of the century
• Did I mention that USC beat UT by 19?

* No research whatsoever was done to establish any of the facts presented in this post. Except for the first point. It is a proven fact that D cannot pick college hoops.

Dancing Machine

So Whisky scored some tickets to Prince when we were in Vegas. Here is my version of the story. We got to the box office and she told us that we only had one ticket, but she told us who to talk to about the tickets. Turns out that the tickets were under a different name. No problem, we have the tickets in hand and we get to the door thinking the tickets are general admission. The guy seating us tells us we have a table and to wait. He then brings over two wrist bands and tells us to remove the ones we have on when we get inside. He then walks us to a table that is one table from the front of the auditorium. He then tells us that we must be very special people because we are in Prince's special friends and family VIP section. Across from our table are 3 couchs around a coffee table, that's where Prince sits when he wants to chill out.

The show begins and Prince is rocking. We are having an awesome time and then Prince gets a lady out of GA to come up on stage and dance with him and the twins. The man is a showman! His guitars are all wireless so he can go walk out on platforms around the stage. Prince then walks over to my section and is playing the bass and dancing around 3 feet away from me! About two songs later he says "lets get some people up here to dance with me." He then comes back to the VIP section and starts grabbing people to go on stage. I make eye contact with Prince and he makes a funny little face and points at me then swings his arm as to say "come show me what you got!" That's right, I got a personal invite from Prince himself to come dance out on stage. Retro-rage me then takes over and I'm going crazy on the stage dancing around like a fool. At one point I make eye contact with one of the twins and she starts dancing with me. It was awesome!

Big shout out to Jack for saying "D you go, you'll enjoy it more."

Happy Steak and BJ Day...

Or not. As the case may be.

You want to know how a perfectly planned Steak and BJ Day can be ruined?

First, you start out by having the OL plan the day.

The day starts out with her dropping the kids off at school, then waking me up with a BJ. Next I was gonna throw some steaks on the grill for breakfast. We had an 11:00 viewing of 300 all lined up, followed by another BJ before picking the kids up from school.

Sounds like a great day doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so too.

So how does one ruin S&BJ Day? Have kids. Don't misunderstand me, I love my kids. I just love them more when they are at school and not home sick ruining what is supposed to be my day.

I worked hard for this day. Back in February on Valentines Day, I pulled out all the stops. 3 dozen roses, Pajama's from pajama gram, Coach Purse, and even a little pickle tickle to top the night off.

I'm still gonna have my steak, but the rest of the plans are on hold for a few days. Maybe I'll just get a hooker in Vegas this weekend.

I deserve this freakin' day.

New rules!

Or rule.

Chatting with Betty this afternoon and she informed me of her new rule!

If, when you leave the office, it is more than 79 degrees outside, and still light out, you skip the gym and go straight home and drink Bloody Marys on your patio until the sun goes down.

Without Bloody Mary supplies tomato juice in the house, and having purchased 4 bottles of Scotch, two Single malt and two blended, a twelve'er of the Champagne of Beers, and a sixer of Purple Haze, I asked Betty to bend the rule slightly for me. So, I am currently enjoying my second Champagne, and in the process of deciding which bottle of Scotch gets opened.

Here are my choices:

Suntory Yamazaki 12 Year-old
Laphoaig 10 Year-old
Pinch Scotch 15 Year-old

Now, the question is, do I wait for the sun to go down, or do I pour myself a scotch and not tell Betty?

I think you all know what I am about to do.

Karaoke anyone?

My friend Gay Kenny Ray suggested that maybe I need to drink a little more till I get to the point that I no longer have any inhibition, and I will get on stage and sing at Karaoke night at the Fabulous Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino.

My response to him is that there is no way I will be able to sing if I am passed out face down in some gutter. He thinks it wouldn't take that much.

I will leave it up to you o' faithful readers, what do you think? Can Whiskey (I love that whole third person perspective) get drunk enough to sing, or would he pass out first?

The rules of a Dive Bar

Most people do no appreciate how great a dive bar can be. I recently had a conversation with a new friend, who showed her appreciate for dive bars, but not quite knowing what the rules of a dive bar are. Allow me to educate you.

1. When you first walk in the regulars at the bar must turn and size you up.

2. There must be a jar of Pickled eggs on the bar. You don't have to eat them, they just must exist.

3. Beer is sever in a can.

4. Cocktails? Are you crazy they may have a bottle of whiskey (or moonshine if your real lucky).

5. Crazy old bartender, who demands their rules be followed is a must!

6. Pool table has stains on it from at least the last 20 years.

7. Cash only

8. Open by 11 a.m. (first customer in by 11:05)

9. The regulars have photo collage on the wall.

10. A scratchy old record player with real records is playing in the corner.

You should go ahead and head down to your local dive today!

Gropeage!!!

Shave and a haircut struck again, or rather casued another lovely lady to feel the need to reach and and touch, pinch, fondle, flick a piece of yours truly.

Yes, she did touch, pinch, fondle AND flick. Not in that order as I recall, but she did keep coming back for more.

Don't know what I mean? Look about 3/4ths down this post.

Workout time pt. 1

I'm having my first drink since Sunday. The OL says it's too soon.

The way I see it, I need to get started again. I've got another confirmed bender coming up in two weeks, and who knows if any impromptu benders might pop up. After all, I did spend $110 on a haircut and shave last week. With my luck some lovely little, or not so little, thing might want to reach out and touch someone.

Ya' see, the way I see it, drinking is like exercise. You gotta do it to stay in shape right? Take this past week and a half as a great example.

It all stated off with a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We hit town on Friday night 02/16 about 8, and by 7:30 I was already drinking. (ever heard of a traveler?) by

8:01, Dimetri was done driving and was double fisting.
8:10 we had made our bead selection for the night and were on our way to Rue Bourbon!
8:15 our first blended icee style drink. green.
8:30 Dinner at Acme Oyster house.
8:31 my first TURBODOG
9:00 First Big Ass Beer, 32 oz's of cold beery goodness for four bucks

Not a minute went by when there wasn't a drink in our hand. This lasted till four in the morning.

Saturday 12:00 pm

Whiskey: You guys go to lunch without me. I'm just gonna lay here and die.
JD: Pussy
Demitrios: Cat
Alaska: Doll

W: no really you guys go.
JD: get up you out of shape p.o.s.
D: you'll feel better once you eat
A: you haven't been working out have you

W: no, I thought I'd lay off for a few days and...
JD: dumb ass

W: yeah I know

I'm starting to ramble now, so I'll save the rest for tomorrow's workout.

What a weekend

How much fun was last weekend? Random moments....

- At one point Whiskey, Gay Kenny Ray, Q, Hooters and I ended up at the famous OG's. Now this is a sight I never thought I would see in my life, 2 straight guys, 2 chicks, and a gay guy in a strip club and the straight guys are the only ones NOT getting dances.

- Apparently there are secret rooms at the House of Blues foundation room, where you can have a private conversation on your cell phone and get a private view of the desert from the 43rd floor of the Bay. (Bad ass Betty)

- A bottle of Kettle one at HOB's is 385 dollars - but it comes with a smoking hot waitress.

- If a pregnant woman wants to pick up the tab, you better let her. It will work out better for everyone. (hope your not still pissed)

- Baccarat is not a game - it is a war!

- Vegas girls do have more fun!

- If you are having fun, there is no reason to not change your flight two hours before takeoff on a Sunday afternoon. Who wants to go to the vegas airport on a Sunday anyway?

- A poker game with drunk old friends and new friends is a great fucking time.

- Betty really knows how to throw a party. (THANK YOU)

Backup, Backup, Backup!!!

What a difference 24 hours makes.

As I sat in the airport Monday morning organizing my notes racking my brain trying to remember all the things that took place over the previous 10 days, I had very good intentions of posting at least one good story by yesterday.

Really I did.

Unfortunately, the beast that is work, and a flakey hard drive took up too much time, and also kept me from getting at the memories I saved in a text file on said HD.

Fortunately, I did backup before starting in on my repair so it's just a matter of pouring myself a drink, and pouring myself into a story before one will appear right here on these pages.

Stay tuned.

Any one have a tissue?

I am sitting in MCcarran Airport in Las Vegas, heading home after a 10 day bender that has takne me from San Jose, Ca to Austin TX, to New Orleans, LA back to Austin, to Vegas, and finally ends today with me heading home.

I got a million stories to tell, but what do i decide to write and tell you first? One of my best friends in the whole world just told me he loves me. I think I might just cry.

Once the tears dry up, I will get my notes organized and post about what has been an amazing ride these last 10 days.

I love you too man.

Gymnastics Part II

So Jack, Appendix, Tony, and I are in Sapphire and Cartwheel walked in. She caught us discussing if was really her, so I just asked her if she was the girl that likes to do cartwheels. She was. Jack then goes into the biting story and before I know it she is doing cartwheels again! No biting this time though. One has to wonder if she did a cartwheel in her Miller Lite interview.

I haven't heard a note

3:02:42 PM Dimtry:
We are going to lovejoy's to see the Arab League tonight
3:02:56 PM Jack: ok
3:03:24 PM Dimtry: you can look them up. I haven't heard a note, but their schtick sounds awesome

The Set Up: And thus starts are evening. Dimtry really wants to go down to 6th and decides this should be the highlight for the day. R is in town for the week and wants to go downtown so I agree, KD decides he wants to join us.

Build up: We head downtown but it is still early so we hit a hole in the wall where our buddy knows the owner. Round of shots and round of beer later, and I am not sure where Dimtry and KD have wandered off too. They walk back into the bar from the patio and I turn to R and say "baked". Dimtry explains "we are ready to go see the band"

The Plot thickens: We head over to lovejoys, and order a round of beer. Did I mention that lovejoys brews there own beer? They are one of the original microbrews in town What did we order? Lone Star! yeah I think they looked there noses at us.

About this time we notice there is a band playing, is this them I wonder? They don't look Arab? They kinda suck, shit how long am I stuck here....Dimtry assures me this is not them,our boys come on next.

Show Time: Sure Enough a few minutes later the band wraps up. Tears down and our band gets ready. Well it turns out not so much of a band it's 3 white guys dressed up as Arabs, they have a tape player to provide background music. Shit...I send Dimtry to order a round of the beer (the house one this time). Sure enough these guys start rapping with a Persian accent, telling us how they landed on "Arab One". Actually I should say two of them "rapped" the 3rd he just stood in the background with his arms folded in his chest. Once in a way breaking out into dance.

It's over: I am looking at Dimtry and KD, pleading with them to let me leave. But no, they are into it (I guess I should have gone to the patio). I sit threw the set and get them to agree it's time to go.

Dimtry: You want to leave? Your not done with your beer.
Jack: Yeah the beer sucks ass too.

Luck be a lady

I am Lucky, no really Jack is super lucky. I can be walking in a Hotel in vegas and find a hundred dollar bill on the ground, walk up to a roulette table and hit a single number for 50 bucks.

I never know when its going to happen. I can be bored as shit and it falls in my lap, or I can be having a great evening and something crazy happens. This is what happened last Saturday night.

I am out with Dimtry, Appendix, Tony and Fair, we are hitting downtown hard. We start out at dinner at a good 'ole Austin institution - Threadgills. We enjoy some good old southern cooking with beer. I think I had Chicken Fried Steak, I am pretty sure Fair has mashed potatoes with ketchup and called in Jenny and Christen (Whiskey remind me to fill you in).

Poor manager at the place got bitched at least 4 times while we were there. Every customer wanted to bitch about something, at least I could enjoy it since I was several beers buzzed.

We decided to head over to 6th after dinner. We started at a new bar where our favorite bartender worked. We loaded us up with shots and soon Parker and Appendix joined us. We are doing our thing and a group of fine looking women walk in. Turns out they are Miller light girls, yep sexy young things. It becomes pretty obvious these girls are trashed. Now normally I would not figure it out so easy but two things set this apart.

1. One of the miller girls starts to do cartwheels in the bar, it takes her three tries, two of which lead almost to her death, but the 3rd that one is money.

2. After doing the cartwheels, girl walks up to fair and BITES him. Seriously, I am standing there talking to fair and the girl freaking bites him. Its AWSOME.

Miller's Angels decide they need to go crash and take a cab home. Fuck time to start over. We head as a group to a couple more bars never finding any action. We decide to go to one more and see how it works out.

As we are walking down 6th, a nice young thing falls into my lap. As fair would say later..."You were walking down the street, she tripped, next thing you know you are making out at the bar"

Yeah it happens, crazy shit when you go down to that 6th street.

But is gets better, here I am thinking I am cool as shit. I picked up this chicka by just walking by here. Until Dimtry lets me know "Hey dumbass we met those girls last week at a party"

Well at least its dumb luck!

A legend has been born

We all have our "I partied so hard in Vegas..." story. We have all been beat. One of my friends from law school partied so hard he had to have his appendix removed.

The friend is okay and is currently waiting on a return flight from Vegas.