The third time is the charm

I went through my fourth graduation ceremony recently, and they were all pretty much the same. An administrator makes opening remarks, then a student speech that is meant to wrap up our years together, followed by a commencement speaker that cracks a few jokes and gives a few words of inspiration, finished up by walking across a stage so your parents can get something for their money, and then you are off to the world.

Number 3 was different. It was the main commencement ceremony for The University and I convinced two of my fraternity brothers to sit with me. They were no where near graduating, but they let anyone attend these things. We had flasks of whiskey and cans of coke to use as chasers. There is nothing like a 100 degree swig of Jack followed by a 100 degree sip of coke while you are wearing a big black robe in the sun. We were well on our way to getting good and drunk when the commencement speaker stepped to the podium. He was a physics professor that had won a Nobel prize; I don't know why that qualified him to speak to all of us, but he was there and I was drunk (I hope that is the only time I ever think/write something like that). The high point was him starting with a story about Texans being nicer than Yankees, after that it went down hill. He starts telling us how our educations were not that great because the State didn't pay him enough and he did not let up. It then became clear why I was there and why I was so drunk. I am an incredible heckler. I have all the skills, I have cracked up entire sections, I have had an NBA player stare me down, and I think I even made a girl cry once. I start up along with a few other students and parents, the boos are coming, and a few "Yankee go home" chants come from the student body. Finally, the President of The University had to come on stage to get the guy. I still have not seen anything like this happen at any other graduation ceremony and I hope I never do.