A Sunday Afternoon with The Masters...

Sunday's are just about the perfect day of the week. A day to relax, sit around the house and do whatever the hell you want or nothing at all.

This Sunday also happens to be the final day of The Masters. The greatest Golf event of the year, on one of the toughest courses. The Corse has been extra tough this year and through 52 Holes the leader was at plus +2. After 7 holes today the leader is still at +2, with Tiger two strokes back.

What could be better on a Sunday afternoon of nothingness then laying on the couch, drinking, and watching golf?

On College Basketball...

• Always pick opposite Dimetrios. (only in hoops, not football)
• A game of the century is an instant classic
• An instant classic is not a game of the century
• USC beat UT by 19 points
• Vegas can't be beat for watching the 64 teams become 16
• If The Ohio State University and Florida meet up in the championship game, it will be the first time ever that the same two schools match up in the football and basketball championship game in the academic year.
• I can't wait for football season to start
• Prince never played college hoops
• Neither did the Twins
  
• According to JD, today's East Regional Final "was a god game"
• a god game is better than a game of the century
• Did I mention that USC beat UT by 19?

* No research whatsoever was done to establish any of the facts presented in this post. Except for the first point. It is a proven fact that D cannot pick college hoops.

Dancing Machine

So Whisky scored some tickets to Prince when we were in Vegas. Here is my version of the story. We got to the box office and she told us that we only had one ticket, but she told us who to talk to about the tickets. Turns out that the tickets were under a different name. No problem, we have the tickets in hand and we get to the door thinking the tickets are general admission. The guy seating us tells us we have a table and to wait. He then brings over two wrist bands and tells us to remove the ones we have on when we get inside. He then walks us to a table that is one table from the front of the auditorium. He then tells us that we must be very special people because we are in Prince's special friends and family VIP section. Across from our table are 3 couchs around a coffee table, that's where Prince sits when he wants to chill out.

The show begins and Prince is rocking. We are having an awesome time and then Prince gets a lady out of GA to come up on stage and dance with him and the twins. The man is a showman! His guitars are all wireless so he can go walk out on platforms around the stage. Prince then walks over to my section and is playing the bass and dancing around 3 feet away from me! About two songs later he says "lets get some people up here to dance with me." He then comes back to the VIP section and starts grabbing people to go on stage. I make eye contact with Prince and he makes a funny little face and points at me then swings his arm as to say "come show me what you got!" That's right, I got a personal invite from Prince himself to come dance out on stage. Retro-rage me then takes over and I'm going crazy on the stage dancing around like a fool. At one point I make eye contact with one of the twins and she starts dancing with me. It was awesome!

Big shout out to Jack for saying "D you go, you'll enjoy it more."

Happy Steak and BJ Day...

Or not. As the case may be.

You want to know how a perfectly planned Steak and BJ Day can be ruined?

First, you start out by having the OL plan the day.

The day starts out with her dropping the kids off at school, then waking me up with a BJ. Next I was gonna throw some steaks on the grill for breakfast. We had an 11:00 viewing of 300 all lined up, followed by another BJ before picking the kids up from school.

Sounds like a great day doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so too.

So how does one ruin S&BJ Day? Have kids. Don't misunderstand me, I love my kids. I just love them more when they are at school and not home sick ruining what is supposed to be my day.

I worked hard for this day. Back in February on Valentines Day, I pulled out all the stops. 3 dozen roses, Pajama's from pajama gram, Coach Purse, and even a little pickle tickle to top the night off.

I'm still gonna have my steak, but the rest of the plans are on hold for a few days. Maybe I'll just get a hooker in Vegas this weekend.

I deserve this freakin' day.

New rules!

Or rule.

Chatting with Betty this afternoon and she informed me of her new rule!

If, when you leave the office, it is more than 79 degrees outside, and still light out, you skip the gym and go straight home and drink Bloody Marys on your patio until the sun goes down.

Without Bloody Mary supplies tomato juice in the house, and having purchased 4 bottles of Scotch, two Single malt and two blended, a twelve'er of the Champagne of Beers, and a sixer of Purple Haze, I asked Betty to bend the rule slightly for me. So, I am currently enjoying my second Champagne, and in the process of deciding which bottle of Scotch gets opened.

Here are my choices:

Suntory Yamazaki 12 Year-old
Laphoaig 10 Year-old
Pinch Scotch 15 Year-old

Now, the question is, do I wait for the sun to go down, or do I pour myself a scotch and not tell Betty?

I think you all know what I am about to do.

Karaoke anyone?

My friend Gay Kenny Ray suggested that maybe I need to drink a little more till I get to the point that I no longer have any inhibition, and I will get on stage and sing at Karaoke night at the Fabulous Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino.

My response to him is that there is no way I will be able to sing if I am passed out face down in some gutter. He thinks it wouldn't take that much.

I will leave it up to you o' faithful readers, what do you think? Can Whiskey (I love that whole third person perspective) get drunk enough to sing, or would he pass out first?

The rules of a Dive Bar

Most people do no appreciate how great a dive bar can be. I recently had a conversation with a new friend, who showed her appreciate for dive bars, but not quite knowing what the rules of a dive bar are. Allow me to educate you.

1. When you first walk in the regulars at the bar must turn and size you up.

2. There must be a jar of Pickled eggs on the bar. You don't have to eat them, they just must exist.

3. Beer is sever in a can.

4. Cocktails? Are you crazy they may have a bottle of whiskey (or moonshine if your real lucky).

5. Crazy old bartender, who demands their rules be followed is a must!

6. Pool table has stains on it from at least the last 20 years.

7. Cash only

8. Open by 11 a.m. (first customer in by 11:05)

9. The regulars have photo collage on the wall.

10. A scratchy old record player with real records is playing in the corner.

You should go ahead and head down to your local dive today!

Gropeage!!!

Shave and a haircut struck again, or rather casued another lovely lady to feel the need to reach and and touch, pinch, fondle, flick a piece of yours truly.

Yes, she did touch, pinch, fondle AND flick. Not in that order as I recall, but she did keep coming back for more.

Don't know what I mean? Look about 3/4ths down this post.

Workout time pt. 1

I'm having my first drink since Sunday. The OL says it's too soon.

The way I see it, I need to get started again. I've got another confirmed bender coming up in two weeks, and who knows if any impromptu benders might pop up. After all, I did spend $110 on a haircut and shave last week. With my luck some lovely little, or not so little, thing might want to reach out and touch someone.

Ya' see, the way I see it, drinking is like exercise. You gotta do it to stay in shape right? Take this past week and a half as a great example.

It all stated off with a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We hit town on Friday night 02/16 about 8, and by 7:30 I was already drinking. (ever heard of a traveler?) by

8:01, Dimetri was done driving and was double fisting.
8:10 we had made our bead selection for the night and were on our way to Rue Bourbon!
8:15 our first blended icee style drink. green.
8:30 Dinner at Acme Oyster house.
8:31 my first TURBODOG
9:00 First Big Ass Beer, 32 oz's of cold beery goodness for four bucks

Not a minute went by when there wasn't a drink in our hand. This lasted till four in the morning.

Saturday 12:00 pm

Whiskey: You guys go to lunch without me. I'm just gonna lay here and die.
JD: Pussy
Demitrios: Cat
Alaska: Doll

W: no really you guys go.
JD: get up you out of shape p.o.s.
D: you'll feel better once you eat
A: you haven't been working out have you

W: no, I thought I'd lay off for a few days and...
JD: dumb ass

W: yeah I know

I'm starting to ramble now, so I'll save the rest for tomorrow's workout.

What a weekend

How much fun was last weekend? Random moments....

- At one point Whiskey, Gay Kenny Ray, Q, Hooters and I ended up at the famous OG's. Now this is a sight I never thought I would see in my life, 2 straight guys, 2 chicks, and a gay guy in a strip club and the straight guys are the only ones NOT getting dances.

- Apparently there are secret rooms at the House of Blues foundation room, where you can have a private conversation on your cell phone and get a private view of the desert from the 43rd floor of the Bay. (Bad ass Betty)

- A bottle of Kettle one at HOB's is 385 dollars - but it comes with a smoking hot waitress.

- If a pregnant woman wants to pick up the tab, you better let her. It will work out better for everyone. (hope your not still pissed)

- Baccarat is not a game - it is a war!

- Vegas girls do have more fun!

- If you are having fun, there is no reason to not change your flight two hours before takeoff on a Sunday afternoon. Who wants to go to the vegas airport on a Sunday anyway?

- A poker game with drunk old friends and new friends is a great fucking time.

- Betty really knows how to throw a party. (THANK YOU)

Backup, Backup, Backup!!!

What a difference 24 hours makes.

As I sat in the airport Monday morning organizing my notes racking my brain trying to remember all the things that took place over the previous 10 days, I had very good intentions of posting at least one good story by yesterday.

Really I did.

Unfortunately, the beast that is work, and a flakey hard drive took up too much time, and also kept me from getting at the memories I saved in a text file on said HD.

Fortunately, I did backup before starting in on my repair so it's just a matter of pouring myself a drink, and pouring myself into a story before one will appear right here on these pages.

Stay tuned.

Any one have a tissue?

I am sitting in MCcarran Airport in Las Vegas, heading home after a 10 day bender that has takne me from San Jose, Ca to Austin TX, to New Orleans, LA back to Austin, to Vegas, and finally ends today with me heading home.

I got a million stories to tell, but what do i decide to write and tell you first? One of my best friends in the whole world just told me he loves me. I think I might just cry.

Once the tears dry up, I will get my notes organized and post about what has been an amazing ride these last 10 days.

I love you too man.

Gymnastics Part II

So Jack, Appendix, Tony, and I are in Sapphire and Cartwheel walked in. She caught us discussing if was really her, so I just asked her if she was the girl that likes to do cartwheels. She was. Jack then goes into the biting story and before I know it she is doing cartwheels again! No biting this time though. One has to wonder if she did a cartwheel in her Miller Lite interview.

I haven't heard a note

3:02:42 PM Dimtry:
We are going to lovejoy's to see the Arab League tonight
3:02:56 PM Jack: ok
3:03:24 PM Dimtry: you can look them up. I haven't heard a note, but their schtick sounds awesome

The Set Up: And thus starts are evening. Dimtry really wants to go down to 6th and decides this should be the highlight for the day. R is in town for the week and wants to go downtown so I agree, KD decides he wants to join us.

Build up: We head downtown but it is still early so we hit a hole in the wall where our buddy knows the owner. Round of shots and round of beer later, and I am not sure where Dimtry and KD have wandered off too. They walk back into the bar from the patio and I turn to R and say "baked". Dimtry explains "we are ready to go see the band"

The Plot thickens: We head over to lovejoys, and order a round of beer. Did I mention that lovejoys brews there own beer? They are one of the original microbrews in town What did we order? Lone Star! yeah I think they looked there noses at us.

About this time we notice there is a band playing, is this them I wonder? They don't look Arab? They kinda suck, shit how long am I stuck here....Dimtry assures me this is not them,our boys come on next.

Show Time: Sure Enough a few minutes later the band wraps up. Tears down and our band gets ready. Well it turns out not so much of a band it's 3 white guys dressed up as Arabs, they have a tape player to provide background music. Shit...I send Dimtry to order a round of the beer (the house one this time). Sure enough these guys start rapping with a Persian accent, telling us how they landed on "Arab One". Actually I should say two of them "rapped" the 3rd he just stood in the background with his arms folded in his chest. Once in a way breaking out into dance.

It's over: I am looking at Dimtry and KD, pleading with them to let me leave. But no, they are into it (I guess I should have gone to the patio). I sit threw the set and get them to agree it's time to go.

Dimtry: You want to leave? Your not done with your beer.
Jack: Yeah the beer sucks ass too.

Luck be a lady

I am Lucky, no really Jack is super lucky. I can be walking in a Hotel in vegas and find a hundred dollar bill on the ground, walk up to a roulette table and hit a single number for 50 bucks.

I never know when its going to happen. I can be bored as shit and it falls in my lap, or I can be having a great evening and something crazy happens. This is what happened last Saturday night.

I am out with Dimtry, Appendix, Tony and Fair, we are hitting downtown hard. We start out at dinner at a good 'ole Austin institution - Threadgills. We enjoy some good old southern cooking with beer. I think I had Chicken Fried Steak, I am pretty sure Fair has mashed potatoes with ketchup and called in Jenny and Christen (Whiskey remind me to fill you in).

Poor manager at the place got bitched at least 4 times while we were there. Every customer wanted to bitch about something, at least I could enjoy it since I was several beers buzzed.

We decided to head over to 6th after dinner. We started at a new bar where our favorite bartender worked. We loaded us up with shots and soon Parker and Appendix joined us. We are doing our thing and a group of fine looking women walk in. Turns out they are Miller light girls, yep sexy young things. It becomes pretty obvious these girls are trashed. Now normally I would not figure it out so easy but two things set this apart.

1. One of the miller girls starts to do cartwheels in the bar, it takes her three tries, two of which lead almost to her death, but the 3rd that one is money.

2. After doing the cartwheels, girl walks up to fair and BITES him. Seriously, I am standing there talking to fair and the girl freaking bites him. Its AWSOME.

Miller's Angels decide they need to go crash and take a cab home. Fuck time to start over. We head as a group to a couple more bars never finding any action. We decide to go to one more and see how it works out.

As we are walking down 6th, a nice young thing falls into my lap. As fair would say later..."You were walking down the street, she tripped, next thing you know you are making out at the bar"

Yeah it happens, crazy shit when you go down to that 6th street.

But is gets better, here I am thinking I am cool as shit. I picked up this chicka by just walking by here. Until Dimtry lets me know "Hey dumbass we met those girls last week at a party"

Well at least its dumb luck!

A legend has been born

We all have our "I partied so hard in Vegas..." story. We have all been beat. One of my friends from law school partied so hard he had to have his appendix removed.

The friend is okay and is currently waiting on a return flight from Vegas.